ZonderFann

tim chester has a post today talking about his upcoming book, captured by a better vision.  in this post time lists a couple statistics that really struck me:

The average age of first exposure to pornography is 11 years old and 80% of 15-17 year olds have had multiple hard-cor e exposure

The 35-49 age group is the largest consumer of internet pornography

i have to believe that these two stats are related.  the below demographic should be fathers to the above demographic and are introducing their sons (and daughters) to pornography passively by either having it on their computers, or not talking to them about the dangers of porn, mainly because they are in the grips of it themselves.

i fall into the 35-49 age group and have a history of struggling with pornography.  i also have two young boys, and while i hope that they never see porn, knowing how it permeates our society, know that the likelihood of that is slim.  my prayer is that they do not become addicted to it as i did.  i have three ways i am trying to accomplish this for them:

1. maintaining my personal freedom in Christ from porn
2. share my struggles with them about it and talk openly about its destructive powers
3. pray like their lives depend on it (because to a certain extent, they do).

what are you doing to keep yourself and your kids porn-free?

a couple links that are well worth the read regarding this:

• tim challies talks about God knowing what you google
• mark driscoll’s porn-again christian
• craig gross’s dirty little secret
• jon acuff looks to violently throw up porn
• zach nielsen has some fantastic posts about porn

my wife has long enjoyed watching the tlc program jon and kate plus eight.  it follows a couple who had twins and then 2 or 3 years later had sextuplets.  as you have probably heard, both jon and kate have been accused of having affairs.  the other night, while i kept an eye online as the cubs lost their 8th game in a row, my wife and i watched the season premier of the show, which filmed the aftermath of the allegations, as well as the sextuplets 5th birthday.

towards the end of the episode, the cameraman asked each of them a question about the future, in particular their relationship.  they both spoke of the importance of what they do individually for their kids and the importance of their kids in their lives.  i really hope that they stay together and work through the issues that have come up for them.  

it’s easy to look at others and point out flaws and blindspots.  i have been a dad for less than two years and now have a second son in the mix.  i love kate but sometimes find it easier to spend time and love jack (our 21 month-old) than kate.  i don’t know why that is.  i have heard, and tried to keep in the forefront of my mind, the parenting advice of – the best thing you can do as a parent is focus on your marriage.  

how do keep your marriage in the front seat of your “family car”?

remember the days of old;
consider the generations long past.
ask your father and he will tell you,
your elders, and they will explain to you.

16 times in deuteronomy moses tells the israelites to remember all that the Lord has done for them.  moses passes on and joshua leads the israelites.  after joshua dies, however, one of the first things that is written is:

“the israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord; they forgot the Lord their God and served the baals and the asherahs.”

they did not remember all that the Lord had done for them, and they chased after false gods.  how often do i do this?  after all that Jesus has done – not only through salvation, but through blessing in my lfe – i sometimes forget and chase after something false.  the other issue here is that as a father i should be passing down these rememberances to my boys, so they don’t forget.  

what do you want your kids to remember about Jesus?  as for me, i will pass down that he has sustained us through 3 periods of unemployment in 7 years; blessed me with a career i love at a fantastic company; delevered me from an addiction to pornography; and kept kate and i together during a rocky first 2 years of marriage.  there are a host of other blessings and deliverances, but those are the major ones.

the prophet samuel recognized the value of remembering all that the Lord had done for israel.  in 1 samuel 7, “samuel took a stone and set it up between mizpah and shen. he named it ebenezer, saying, “thus far has the Lord helped us.”  what do you have in your life or home that helps you remember how the Lord has helped you?

what do you not want yourself or your children to forget about how God has worked in the life of your and your family?

today i wanted to hit chapter four in geoff surratt’s new book, ten stupid things that keep churches from growing.  it deals with the aspect of ministering to our kids.  geoff says that “effective children’s ministry has never been more important to the life of the church than it is today….children often determine if and when their family goes to church.”  in this chapter we have a guest author – geoff’s wife sherry (no jokes about this being the best written chapter).  sherry has loads of experience in children’s ministry and lends her expertise.

sherry starts with what children’s ministry is (not church for short people) and then gives 4 lessons she has learned.  kids love making noises, messes, and having fun.

• lesson one: it matters who’s on your team.
• lesson two: it matters what you do
• lesson three: it matters what parents think
• lesson four: it matters that you know what your families expect

geoff finishes the chapter by way of interview with craig groeschel asking questions about the children’s ministry at lifechurch.tv.  three questions that craig gives as the key elements of an excellent children’s ministry are

1. is it effective?
2. is it aligned with the church’s vision?
3. is it being led with purpose?

i want to take a minute and brag about my church (ada bible church) and their children’s ministry.  having been a parent for 21 months, i am new to the children’s ministry game, but have had two different experiences.  we visited one church a couple of times but we were never able to get jack into the nursery because it was full.  we have never had that issue at ada.  and having worked in the nursery at one of the video venue campuses, i know that they don’t just pack the room regardless.  if they get a stampede of kids, they have volunteers they can call as backups to come and help.

jack has since moved up out of the nursery and has been with the 2-3 year olds for about a month now.  he loves going to sunday school.  this last week evidently he was crawling around on all fours and panting like a dog – just a kid having fun.  every week he makes a drawing or craft and the teacher gives me a little paper that has a big idea on it that the kids heard, and some take-aways the parents can go over with their kids later that week.

each area of kids ministry has it’s own “e” that is the focus for the volunteers to focus on when with the kids.  from birth to young 5 year olds, they just love on the kids and the “e” stands for embrace – kids learn from teachers that they are embraced by God’s love.  for kids k-5th grade the “e” stands for expect.  this means the teachers help the kids learn to expect that God can be trusted.  in jr high, kids “e”xperience connection with God and others; and in high school kids “e”xpress faith & relationship throughout God’s world.

jack is still to little to know what is going on, but as a parent, i could not be more happy with the kids ministry at ada.  i’d love to hear you brag about your children’s ministry as well, so please leave a comment talking up what you love about how your church supports parents and loves kids!

a couple weeks ago kate and i watched the movie  - marley and me#mce_temp_url#. we had both read the book and had a dog with a mind of his own for 5 years. the story is of a couple who gets a dog who is the worst dog in the world, and the (mis)adventures they have as their family grows. one thing the movie really harped on was that john grogan (the main character and narrator) was reluctantly a family man. he seemed envious of his friend who traveled the world covering flashy news stories, while he wrote a successful column and raised a family.

we have just been given a recent addition to our little fann clann, luke (or as i like to call him, sweet baby lou).  an i gotta tell you, i absolutely love being a family guy.  i love being married, love having kids and love being domestic.  i have no regrets having a family.  the funny thing to me is that john grogan and his wife planned having kids, and kate and i were not.  we thought that it would be the two of us.  both of our boys were oops babies, and they are the best oops in the world.

the best parenting advice i’ve ever gotten is that focusing on your marriage is the most important thing.  don’t let your kids slide ahead of your wife in regards to importance.  what about you?  what’s the single best piece of parenting advice your given or been given?